After the serpent had finished convincing Eve to eat the apple, he got to work on his next evil plan - the Multi Purpose Vehicle aka. the MPV.The MPV is to the road what seaweed is to the ocean. Sure it's designed to be there- but damn it's annoying.
You've all seen them, the big bubble like vehicles which look like vans that have been punched in the face. They go by many names - MPV's, People Movers, Mini-vans, people carriers. Call them what you will there's no escaping the fact that they are simply Not. That. Cool.
What amazes me is that they exist in a gap between some of the coolest vehicles ever,
Vans = Awesome,
Station Wagons = Super awesome.
MPV's = Neither of the previous descriptions.
So what is it about them that earns MPV's their reputation? ...I thought you'd never ask.
1) Size - They are big. Kind of like a mobile boulder. That comibined with in inexplicable ability to park in the middle of the road makes MPV's some of the best traffic flow controllers on the market.
2) Shape - MPV's are the answer to the question: How do you make a square aerodynamic? But if you've ever used a Blackberry you'll know just because something has curved edges doesn't mean it's good.
3) The Driver - I don't know how it happens, but the MPV seems to ensnare a very specific type of victim and generally speaking driving ability is not a trait shared between them. Some of the most eye watering on-road maneuvers are executed by none other than the MPV.
Heard of the 10-point turn? Invented and popularized by the MPV.
Now some families are forced to buy bigger vehicles to accommodate their multitudes of children. And when I voice my opinion I'm often asked "well, what would you do if you had 5 children?"
Firstly - I wouldn't.
Secondly - Bus passes.
Maybe as I grow older my prejudices will fade away, and I will sell my soul to the family wagon as the pressures of family life build up. But until then the MPV will remain my on-road nemesis.
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